2019 A Year in Review Part One

Birth and Family Photography Durham, NC

2019 A Year in Review

Part One

I was just looking back on my blog from last year and all the plans and goals I set for myself. It’s funny because only a few weeks after sharing that blog we found out we were expecting. Oh, how the world changes on its axis when you find out there is a baby on the way. 2019 was such a life-changing year for me personally. We kicked off 2019 with the best surprise news and to be honest it was the best way to just shift our expectations. Would I call 2019 the year of commitment? maybe in some ways, but in others, it was about letting go and trusting that all things work out for good.

We had been open to having a baby for almost a year before but just hadn’t gotten pregnant, I was pretty sure that I would need to start thinking about my fertility when the test turned positive. I was sitting on my couch drinking my second glass of wine when I was overcome with panic (for literally no reason) and ran to the bathroom to take a pregnancy test. I was only 3 weeks pregnant and still to this day cannot describe why I felt overcome at that moment. Most of the great things in my life come as little surprises and when I least expect them, from meeting Chris to even the day he proposed I almost ran away cause I thought it was all a joke rather than a proposal.

2019 was a year of high highs and low lows. My pregnancy was a truly amazing experience even in all of its issues toward the end. I honestly felt so suddenly purposeful and thankful for my body when I was pregnant. Around 30 weeks though I started to feel really intense pelvic pain (to all my awesome clients who were gracious as I could barely squat or get up during our session, THANK YOU) there were some days when the pain started to feel chronic and I couldn’t get the energy to do much of anything at all but I kept telling myself, the pain was temporary and just kept looking forward to the birth. Our lowest moment sadly ended up being our birth, a story I really want to share but I’m not quite ready. But I really spent the whole 9 months so excited to have the perfect birth experience and when that all came crashing down, I struggled really hard to pull myself up. We spent our first days with little Jude in the NICU and first weeks struggling at home with his acid reflux and just general irritability for the world outside the womb. But straight up around 6 weeks when Jude started smiling at me and seeing me as his mom I was able to feel a cloud move from over our heads. Jude needed time to process his entrance into the world too and while hard we are so thankful that he is here and healthy.

Professionally I took a rest year really, whether I planned to or not. I did half the births than my usual. So I fell into a simplistic rhythm of preparing my heart for motherhood and maintaining my business as best I could. I met so many new faces and captured many incredibly beautiful stories as usual but with a new sense of joy. I was in the midst of creating life and that truly played an important role in the way I created art and hope to continue. If nothing else I feel a kindred hope with all the stories I’ve captured, from the raw vulnerability of birth to the struggles of newborn and postpartum life. These are real parts of the human story that need to be shared and I hope to do even more of that in the New Year.

A phrase I’ve pondered recently as I’ve processed this hard year of becoming a mom is simply this, “To try and calm the chaos of life and birth is almost pointless, rather than wrestle I’m learning to let go.”

And of course, this collection of images below are my favorites from throughout 2019, they are full of the raw and powerful quality I want my work to express. There is a little nudity and blood but in all honesty, the gift that is birth and life is filled with the messy. I’ve learned that so clear this year. All photos have been approved and released by the client for sharing.