Birth and Family Photography Durham, NC

2019 A Year in Review

Part 2: The Year of Letting Go

Check out Part One if you haven’t seen it yet!

I wish I could have had a crystal ball to see what this past year would look like the moment I started it. I wish I could have prepared my heart for the moments of intense joy and brightness as well as the feelings of anxiety and darkness. I wish I could have held my own hand as I walked through the entrance into parenthood, assuring my former self that it was ok, we were ok. But alas there is no time traveling so here I am calling 2020 the year of Letting Go. That really should have been the name of my 2019 because especially toward the end I was only learning the lesson of release and letting go. But as I start this new year all white and clean, I hope I continue to lean into that lesson.

I want to let go of perfection. Being the perfect mom and wife is just a pipe dream and the guilt of not being either can eat away a perfectly good heart. I want to learn to let go of comparison. I know with confidence that what I create has power and meaning and comparing it to some other artist’s power and meaning leaves only me losing. I want to celebrate the art around me and strive to just get my work in front of more people. I want to let go of trauma from last year that holds me back from truly healing. I want to let go of fears of not being enough. I want to let go of hatred I hold for my body and self-image because honestly “WHO THE FUCK CARES.” I want to love this incredible body all tattered and worn because it created a little life that is the best thing. I want to let go of my fears of change this year.

2020 is honestly shaping up to be potentially another hard year for change. Chris graduated from Duke last Fall and has applied to Ph.D. programs all over the world. Of course, our number one choice would be to stay here and nourish this life we have started to grow but truthfully we won’t know until later this year what our next steps will be. So again I want to let go of the fear of the unknown. I have learned that life is so much sweeter when I try new things. And that I hold my self back from joy when I sit in the same old place.

Here’s to hoping 2020 has new joys I cannot expect but not a pregnancy :P

And of course, this collection of images below are my favorites from throughout 2019, they are full of the raw and powerful quality I want my work to express. There is a little nudity and blood but in all honesty, the gift that is birth and life is filled with the messy. I’ve learned that so clear this year. All photos have been approved and released by the client for sharing.