Finding Balance as a Working Mom
My Journey To Balance as a Mom and Small Business Owner
And 6 ways I’ve created it!
I have always wanted to be a working mom.
Maybe it was the way these mothers always seemed so strong and independent on TV or the influence of my own mom who zig-zagged between staying at home and creating her own work, my entire life. She is a Renaissance woman in most senses, while juggling six kids she has worked in the arts and sciences for over the last 30 years. She has some of the best stories from her days as a muralist and furniture painter, middle school teacher, and just raising a bunch of wild children who are all adults now. In many ways, she inspired me to become an artist and choose motherhood myself. But I know it wasn’t always easy for her because let’s be honest, it can’t just be our generation that has struggled between being intentional with our families and growing something sustainable and successful in our work. Women and mothers have always wanted more and our generation is finally demanding it.
Now while I have always wanted to be a working mom, I have also only ever wanted to run my own business.
I’ve worked in the corporate world, service, and creative industries in my years but deep down my purpose has always been rooted in being my own boss. But as most small business owners know, this can make you feel “on” all the time. Always checking back on leads, maintaining your client’s happiness, or staying afloat with the day-to-day work of keeping a small business running successfully. Not to mention the toll it can take on your mental health especially when you are working a creative business or basing it around what you personally offer or how talented you are.
For me, it was a full and all-encompassing world in the best ways for several years and then I had Jude.
Let me paint a picture of what that moment looked like for me. Imagine I've waded into the sea just trying to stay afloat and I’ve brought with me my full-time photography business. It visually looks like a heavy computer, a bunch of paperwork and so much more. I’m just floating there holding it all in my arms kicking my feet rapidly to stay afloat. Sometimes the waves are calm and I can almost touch the seafloor so it’s easy to stand and get stuff done while other times I’ve just kept it all safe and doing what I can as the water rushes around me. It’s hard to juggle it all but I’m loving it.
Then someone throws me a crying newborn. My crying newborn, who is now part of me and all of me. At that moment I lifted that newborn above my head and started kicking again letting the water rush over my face and letting everything else sink around me.
It’s been months and years (it feels like) for me to find that seafloor again. To stand strong with my baby in my arms, breathe clean healthy air, and slowly pick up the pieces of my beloved business as it washed along the shore.
So I wanted to share that with you a bit from my heart. Maybe you are in a similar place. Maybe you are trying to find a new balance as a parent and don’t even know where to begin to bring things like work back into focus. Maybe you need like me to find a completely new way of doing things?
I’ve put together a few of the ways I’ve created balance as a working mom in the last year. None have been full proof and I constantly have to work on them. But they have allowed me to find a lot more freedom and joy in finding a balance that serves me.
1.Release the idea of “perfect” balance
Because it doesn’t exist!
Your balance will look different from everyone else’s around you even your partner. Comparing yourself to your mom-friend who seems to have everything together usually leaves you feeling worse. Comparing yourself to your working partner who seems to never feel guilty about trying to balance both can lead to a lot of deep frustration. And that’s because “perfect” balance really isn’t the goal at all, it’s feeling healthy and happy in the most balanced way possible.
So the best way to find your balance is to just try and try again. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to reorganize my work/family schedule because things weren’t working. Whether it’s waking up earlier, taking days off, working late into the night, or cutting back on spending just so I could cut back on work. Don’t be afraid to reevaluate if something isn’t working or to share with your partner that you need more support.
2.Stop Multi-tasking
Did you know that only about 2% of people actually multi-task effectively? Well I am not one of them and you probably aren’t either. As great as it sounds to be able to do multiple important tasks at the same time it usually leaves us feeling unproductive, unfulfilled, guilty or like we wasted precious time.
I used to think I could run my business on a standing desk in the living room while my little one ran free at my feet. I tried so many versions of that my hair started falling out. I was never fully focused on my work because I was always watching to make sure Jude wasn’t getting into something. When nap time rolled around I found I was able to maximize so much more of that time for work but I was exhausted and feeling guilty because I hadn’t really gotten the same kind of time intentionally being with Jude.
So now my personal balance includes work time and family time. Separate rooms, organised hours and compromises in both realms. My new goal for balance is actually just learning to be present. But if I’m being honest this one I struggle with a lot. It takes time and discipline to learn how to shut off your two different brains and release one task for the next. But in the end just the act of designating those unique and intentional times has given me less stress.
3. Lean into your new identity
It took me a while to realize I was a new person after having Jude. I wasn’t just a mom in part of my life but the same old Hanna when it came to everything else. I was Hanna-the mom always and in every physical, emotional and mental part of me. It was scary to realize I was no longer the same person. That process felt like stretching and releasing, 10x worse than a break up because you sort of miss the moment it all happened.
My only advice for this change though is to lean in. All your flaws will become bare but you will find so much deeper strength within yourself. Before i was a mom I was an artist and business owner but I AM SUCH A BETTER ARTIST AND BUSINESS OWNER now! Like seriously night and day in the best ways possible. Balancing my new identity has made what I do that much richer and I’d never trade being a mom for antyhing, not even sleeping in.
4. Trust your intuition
You will spend so much unnecessary time and stress fighting your intuition as a parent and business owner. But in the end it’s the way you make it work that matters. If you sense one part of your life is unbalanced or needs more attention follow that. Even if it means changing the schedule or requires less time in an area you thought needed more of you. For me this has looked like making time for self care when I already feel completed maxed out in everything else. It’s also looked like taking a few Fridays off just to go on an adventure with Jude even though thats usually an important work day. It’s also led me over and over to rethink the schedule of our lives.
5. Practice Forgiveness
You are not going to get everything right! As a parent or business owner there are going to be failures and moments of struggle. I’d love to tell you there is a formula that we can tap into but the only formula I’ve found is being quick to ask forgiveness and forgive myself. It doesn’t come easy for me at all, I am stubborn and filled with so much self judgement, but since becoming a mom I’ve realised that I only have two options; I can sit here calling myself a shitty mom, interpreting what someone says as a jab at my parenting style or comparing myself to all the perfect working moms online OR I can actively practice kindness and forgiveness with myself and I can literally tell Jude I’m sorry whether he understands or not.
6. Prioritise finding support
This can look like a lot of things but needing support is not a failure in your parenthood on any level. For me this has looked like childcare since Jude was about 5 months old, it’s also meant Chris and I constantly working on balancing parenting duties. But I think for others it can look like just learning to ask for help, relying on family more or hiring a housekeeper once a week. Whatever it looks like for your, just know we all are doing it! Don’t let instagram fool you into thinking working moms are all doing alone, we all have to do it in some form and finding that courage to ask for support or give support should be celebrated!
Photographer, Mom, Birth Keeper, Blogger and lover of sharing stories of the real and raw journeys of people. I love hiking in the English countryside, late night wine chats and helping other small business owners grow and find balance! I’d love to help you too!