7 Tips to Surviving the Quarantine with more Joy and less Anxiety

We have entered a very hard season. One of isolation, confinement, boredom and anxiety. It’s so hard to think to the future or gather hope when the world feels so upside down around us. About a week ago (3 weeks into isolation for us) it felt like we were sitting at the top of the depression slide. Just waiting to tip all the way in and give up on all productivity or joy for the foreseeable future, and I know so many out there are feeling the same way. So we gathered ourselves and set some intentions and goals that have been a real life-line during this time.

Create Space & Teamwork with your Partner
So Chris and I have actually been working from home together for a few years now. Chris’ job was flexibly for working remote and once Jude was born it was so helpful to have him take over a few days a week so I could work from home with a little sense of peace and normalcy. I know so many out there are finding their own rhythm for balancing family, work, and partnership right now but I also know that teamwork can be an easy thing to blame during this scary and anxiety-filled time. So I wanted to share a few tips we’ve learned about creating space and teamwork when you are quarantined together. And to be honest I think this way of being flexible and gracious to each other is the glue we all need to survive this.
a. Create a schedule or to-do list.
And create them with wiggle room and broad categories. Try not to control the other person and how they are accomplishing their task that day. A great friend wrote this and I think it applies perfectly, “Put some tunnel vision goggles on. If your spouse has committed to clean the living room today while you work from home, but you see him or her playing air guitar instead...stay in your lane. They are a grown-up and will get around to cleaning the living room (probably when the air guitar solo is done).”
b. Create Literal Space
Being together in the same room 24/7 is not always the healthiest. We share an office and it’s tough when all three of us are trying to “work” together at once. Instead set up a space that’s separate to each of you. For us, that means on his “work from home” days I stay out of our office and vice-versa. But it may also look like creating a makeshift office in the guest room for a while and treating that space with respect. Both of you should be able to shut the door, put headphones on and focus on your own stuff. And if it’s fairly broken down a schedule or to-do list then it’s easier for you to respect that time your spouse is shut up in the other room because you know there will be a balance for you to get YOUR rest and space soon.
C. Be Kind and give a lot of grace
I think these words are so spot-on, ” Give each other a lot of do-overs. When one of you snaps at something small, and it seems like a molehill is becoming a mountain - give each other a do-over. Actually say it, 'Can I have a do-over?' and actually grant it without holding a grudge, 'you get a do-over'.” We will fight and roles will feel unfair because we are all human but instead of carrying anger during this already tough isolated time, try and instead to verbalize grace and restarts for each other. Be quick to say nice things and forgive. This goes for all of the marriage but ESPECIALLY during this time of isolation. Something I am learning to do is when I’m feeling good and thankful for my spouse to SAY IT to them, compliment their skills, selflessness and what they are doing for the family. Fill the home with thankfulness in a time when fear and anxiety are trying to consume us.

a man holds his son while sitting at his work desk at home seen through a window

2. Set a Special Day

Our hearts are adventurous; before Jude arrived we were planning an international trip yearly that helped break up the monotony of just everyday life. During Isolation, we’ve applied a similar philosophy. Fridays are our “special” days. We support a local restaurant and do a take out date on our living room floor. We’ve saved all wine/alcohol for the weekends and get a nice bottle with our “special” meal. This idea can scale from the most budget-friendly to fancy date night because it’s mostly about having SOMETHING to look forward to at the end of the week. I’ve heard from some families who have made Fridays “pizza night” from Digiorno to delivery to make your own personal pizza night. Just save something special for one day so quarantine doesn’t feel like an all-out binge-fest. Because that will grow tired and depressing REALLY quick!

3. Establish Low- No Technology Days

This one is a toughy. The lack of community is making so many turn to social media for connection and yet it can also be such a lifeless place to gain social energy. Of course, for most of us technology is apart of our work and life balance so completely throwing it out the window may not be an option for you (it’s not for us either) so instead, we have established what we are considering “low-tech” days and “no-tech” evenings. The balance is yours but for us having 1 day a week where our phones are separate from our hands, the tv is off and the computer is shut has been so good! [this doesn’t include work since we often need tech for that BUT otherwise, tech is off] Then we have also started “no-tech” evenings so after 5 pm the tv goes off and the phones are put in another room so we can minimize the overwhelming impulse to rely on technology.

Now I know some of you will say, “but how can we stay up to date on the virus or get education about what’s going on.” And my response (which could be controversial) is “will it make me less anxious to know these details?” if the answer is yes then definitely include the news or an educational platform. If the answer is no, and that it will cause you likely more anxiety than just don’t. I adopted this mode back during the elections when it felt like everything online was one toxic opinion after the next. It feels like most platforms online are becoming so much less “education” and instead just a shared cluster f*** of anxiety being spread around online. So if you are anything like me, find ways to limit the exposure to other people’s fear and anxiety.

a dad wears his baby in a wrap while reading a book

4. Find Good Ways to Connect

Technology during this time is such a two-edged sword. While it can often lead to an echo chamber of anxiety it’s also our very essential life-line to the rest of the world and the people we love who we aren’t able to quarantine with. So keep those face-time calls coming and zoom birthdays celebrating! Something Chris has started doing and I’m trying to get better at, is using this time to reconnect with old friends. The people who you always forget to call or reconnect with. Jude and I have been going on a walk each day and trying to call someone out of the blue to chat. Best friends, college friends, moms, siblings etc.

Also if you are a real extrovert in need of even more! Then find a zoom group to join on a regular basis. Chris and I enjoy prayer in the morning with our church from back in KC throughout the weekday mornings and it’s been such a release of stress to see old faces and be quiet altogether. I’ve also connected in a mom’s group lead by a close friend here in town to talk birth, babies, and parenting. It’s been a leap for me since I can be a bit introverted but it’s also been so good to just meet new people in a different way.

a family celebrates a birth day through zoom call during quarantine

5. Get Outside

Go on a walk. Get some sun. Stand barefoot int he grass. Sneeze your butt off with allergies. Just don’t wither away inside. I know so many public outdoor spaces are getting overrun by people with similar ideas but honestly, it’s still good to find a way to be outside. Try finding a secluded park or hit up a not as popular nature trail. To me that fresh air has lowered my depression and anxiety 10x more than anything else. Jude needs to see more than our living room.

a man kisses his son while standing by a creek while out on a hike in nature

6. Start a Hobby or Marathon

Maybe you’ve always loved to paint but never have the time(this is a shout at myself) TAKE THE TIME! invest in your hobbies because keeping our creative hearts flowing and hands making is essential to surviving quarantine. Chris has taken his cooking to the next level, trying new and more unique things each night and buying in larger amounts helps us to stay creative longer. By the end of 2+ weeks, we are making what we can from what we have and it’s actually really tasty!

If you can’t think of a hobby or any hobby you imagine leads you to need to go shopping, which we can’t really do right now, then start a marathon. Presently I am listening to my Harry Potter audiobooks ( a go-to anxiety reliever for me) and we have started watching all the Marvel movies in chronological order. When Jude was born we got through by re-watching the office with tired eyes and no energy. So find something you’ve wanted to re-watch or invest time in something you’ve heard is really good and marathon it. Now I didn’t say “binge” try and space it out amidst all the other things on this list so it’s something that spreads out longer than a weekend. This quarantine stuff is likely longer than a couple of weeks so try to see it as a time to re-evaluate and slow down rather than just veg-out.

a baby sits on the counter in the kitchen under a window

7. Be Quiet

Find space in the day to be quiet and meditative. For some that look like yoga while others it’s journaling. But honestly use this time to try it all. Breathing, prayer, journaling, listening to calming music, creating, exercise, reading are just a few ideas. Because it’s hard to ask your body and mind to stay joyful during this time. It feels almost impossible with the constant stream of bad news. But being quiet is not about pretending that the bad or losses aren’t happening but about finding ways to be still and be thankful. Use this time to calm yourself, weigh your anxiety with what good you DO have. Make this a daily activity or if that feels impossible try to gift it back and forth with your partner each day while the other takes an extra hour to watch the kids. The world does not need your fear but it could definitely use your prayer, joy, giving and positivity. Put out into the universe and to your family, a sense of calm amidst the chaos of the virus and I know you will get back more joy.

Maybe taking an hour a day is impossible for you right now (that’s ok) so instead watch for moments when your anxiety is rising. Your friend sends you an article about death tolls or someone on Facebook has vented everything they have going on. Instead of absorbing that into your own anxiety, stop. Breathe. be quiet. It really is ok to focus on the things you can control instead of dwelling on all the things we can’t.

I hope these give you just a few ideas of how to welcome more joy into your home during this season. And this isn’t about not taking things seriously because truly I am but I think for most of us quarantine has felt like a dark season. Anxiety is rampant and I feel it. But I just want you to know it’s ok to try and take back this time of isolation for good. The good of your family, self and community by putting out the joy rather than more fear.