North East England Birth Photographer and Doula

Sharing the Free Birth story of Haven Rain

Jonea shares the story of her 4th birth in her own words

The birth story of Haven Rain starts with our first connection.

Her spirit came to me in a dream for the first time and it was a dream of her birth. In the dream I was watching myself give birth. Ive never had a dream where I wasnt in my body and just a witness. This dream felt so different. I pulled this baby from the water and saw her face. She looked just like my other children. I knew she was my daughter without looking. When her head hit my chest this overwhelming sense of familiarity flooded over me and I just started saying with so much excitement, "I know you! I know you!" I KNEW her, she was not a stranger. It was such an incredible dream that left me buzzing for days.

I could not stop thinking about her. I was curious about who this new soul was that wanted to be with us. Sometimes I left the door wide open and she communicated freely, and sometimes the fear of 4 children shut her out. I spent many months telling her I wasn't ready, and many more months trying to convince her father that she belongs to us and she was coming.

She told me her name was Rain. I didn't like it. I just kept saying it out loud trying to get used to it. After several weeks of confusion she told me "look it up and you'll understand". I was reluctant, thinking I'd only find literal definitions of rain or the water cycle. I typed in "rain name meaning" and "abundant blessings from above" was the first thing to pop up. I finally understood. She would add to our family and our blessings were abundant. For nearly a year I communicated with her before we invited her in.

She showed me how she would be born from the beginning. It's no wonder I ended up birthing her in the tub and not in front of the fire. She put out my fire dreams with her water birth and it could not have been more perfect. Haven Rain decided to come as soon as I started taking down the Christmas tree. I had been imagining a Christmas birth with lights and fire and darkness. Then Christmas came and went and I took the Christmas music off my playlist. It just didn't feel right anymore. Each day and then the week that passed I found it harder to imagine the birth anymore.

January 11 I woke up at 3 am with contractions that felt different.

I went downstairs and made myself something to eat. I cried as I scarfed down toast because I was so happy I was sure it was time. I went back to bed, the contractions spread out and eventually went away and I fell asleep. I woke up at 8 am in complete disbelief and a little angry. I drank some coffee and glared at the Christmas tree. "fuck it", I said. I knew if I didn't take the tree down now it might still be up come Easter. I grabbed the totes from the garage to start packing things away.

I pulled 3 ornaments off of the tree and the waves started. I rolled my eyes. "yea right." But the waves kept coming so I kept going. And I knew. This baby did not want the birth I had dreamed up. So I took every last Christmas decoration down from around the house and packed it away. I left the Christmas tree up thinking, "well the lights will still be pretty even if it’s bare." Hanging on to my dream by a thread. I made the kids French toast and text Josh to let him know I was having contractions. I said I would time them for an hour and let him know if he should come home. 15 minutes went by and I told him to come now, and hurry. The waves were less than 3 minutes apart and getting stronger. It was just after 10:30 am. I was still moving well through them but I wanted to go be alone.

As I packed away the Christmas magic I almost felt defeated. I had held on so tightly to this vision. Too tightly. If taking down the Christmas tree was what was needed to start the birth process i would have gladly lit it on fire weeks ago. I cleaned my kitchen while I waited for Josh to get home. Once he walked through the door I went upstairs to prepare. One thing I really wanted to do was cover myself in yarrow oil. Herbal body oiling with Yarrow had been a special part of my entire pregnancy and ancestral connection. As I oiled my body I called in my ancestors to witness this birth. I thanked them for holding this baby until shes in my arms. I thanked God for a body that knows how to birth and a baby that knows how to be born.

By noon I decided to try and rest and watch some tv. It still felt like early labor since the contractions were only lasting 30-45 seconds and I was coping really well, just breathing through them. Laying down was unbearable so I got right up and decided to kneel on the floor and lean over the bed. Shortly after that, I realized I wasn't able to focus on the show anymore and I switched on my birth playlist.

1:16 pm I checked back in with my doula and photographer and told them I was ready for them to come. I was worried I would call them too soon. I wasn't convinced that I was in active labor but with how quickly things were moving I hoped I would be by the time they arrived.

By 130pm I told my husband to start the Labor checklist. I was beginning to vocalize through some of the contractions and the only comfortable position I found was sitting cross-legged on the floor. At one point I started to shake during my contractions. I recognized this shaking and thought, "no way am I in transition, i’m just cold." So I grabbed a blanket and tucked it around me. In between waves, I felt so relaxed almost half asleep. Again, I was familiar with this.. but it was not clicking at the moment that I was already in transition. I felt like things had just got started and I was nowhere near "I can’t do it anymore". In hindsight, I had already been through transition. Week 43 was transition and there was nothing I felt like I couldn't do at this point.

I had already walked through the fire and this felt easy in comparison. The joy I felt coursing through me helped too. I was so happy my baby was finally coming.

My doula arrived around 230. I was so glad she was there. She observed for a minute and started getting her things ready. I was kneeling over the bed again resting my head between contractions and she laid dried lavender and rose next to my head. It smelled so good and each deep breath in during a wave was a treat.
She began massaging my back and applying counter pressure, rocking my hips and saying affirmations. She prayed to our ancestors while doing all of this and I was so thankful. I was SO happy. I just kept saying, "im so happy".

Just before 3, I said I wanted to get into the bath. I walked to the bathroom turned on the water and the fairy lights poured in some herbal body oil, and stood there waiting. A wave came and I rocked side to side, moaning through it, my doula grabbed me and told me to lean on her. I felt something drip from my yoni and when I checked it was blood. Glorious bloody show! I was thinking "yes! I am in active labor, only a few more hours, and ill have my baby!" Another wave came quickly. My doula wrapped a rebozo around me, at the peak of the wave, my knees buckled as I beared down. Wait, WHAT?! I practically shouted as I asked, "OMG AM I PUSHING ALREADY?!" My doula said, "maybe, can you feel your baby's head?" I was just standing there confused.. no. No. Already? I told my oldest son, JJ, to tell dad to start the fire but as soon as I said it, I knew I wouldn't make it down there. She was coming and I craved the water. I decided to get in the tub while it continued to fill. As soon as I kneeled down another wave came and my body was pushing through the entire contraction.

I couldn't believe it. I reached into my yoni and my baby's head was right there.

The waves kept coming and I vocalized the power I was feeling take over my body. I roared through each wave and felt my baby moving down. There was no pain at this point. Just power and pressure and stretching. My doula was rubbing my back with oil and keeping me warm with water. Reminding me to breathe and move the energy down. I started to feel the familiar burn as my baby worked to stretch me open. I reminded myself to stretch, to open. "I am open, I am soft". I spoke to my baby, "you can do it, you're doing such a good job." Another wave and I could feel the top of her head in my hands and I began to cry. I have never cried during birth before. Definitely not before the baby was in my arms. I was finally touching this baby I had waited so long for. It was really happening. "I can feel you" I cried.

My water must have released while pushing but I never noticed. The next wave her head was born and I could feel the cord around her neck. I took note to unwrap it before bringing her up. I waited for a few seconds and couldn't bear the thought of waiting for the next wave and started to push again, I just wanted her so badly. She began to float behind me as she emerged so I reached behind me with one hand and pushed her forward.

I saw her face and cried some more, "hi, my baby!" then she slid out into the water. The cord was just draped around the back of her neck so I unwrapped it and grabbed her under the arms. As I lifted her from the water she reached up for me and I brought her in tightly to my chest. "Omg omg omg", more sobbing. I have dreamed of this moment a thousand times. It was 3:29pm.

I snuggled her close and rubbed her back. I cradled her in my arms to get a look at her face. She wasn't making any noise but I could see she was there. I spoke to her and loved on her. I imagined my ancestors giving her final kisses as they released her soul to me now that she was in my arms. My doula suggested I "turn him over" and I thought "him? Wow!" I tipped her over and rubbed her back and she gave a good cry and we cried together. All of the anticipation, all of the waiting, frustration, despair, fear, happiness, joy, excitement, relief just came bursting out of us as we wailed together. My baby was finally born.
After she was breathing and pinking up I checked between her legs and saw that I had another daughter. And again, I sobbed. "I knew it was you! I knew it was you!" My Rain girl. It was her and I knew it and couldn't believe it at the same time. I looked at Rowan who had just witnessed the birth of her sister and told her it was a girl and we were both smiling ear to ear. Josh brought Caius into the bathroom and we shared baby was a girl and he said he knew it. The bathwater turned a brown/black as my blood mixed with her meconium. It was sort of beautiful. Like tea. She latched right away and my placenta detached. I got help getting out of the tub and into bed after snuggling her for about 20 minutes.
About an hour after birth I was ready to birth the placenta. The after pains were demanding my attention and I had a slight urge to push. I squatted over a bowl on the floor. Holding my baby with one arm I used my other hand to wrap around the cord. I said a quick prayer of thanks and birthed the placenta into the bowl. Physically and energetically I instantly felt so much relief. The birth was complete. I have my baby. She is perfect. We are healthy and strong. We are ready to start our lives together.
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Many hours later we burned the cord as a family and then we named her, Haven Rain.