Why you should hire a doula according to your Love Language?
Why should you hire a Doula?
According to your Love Language
Let a Doula support and serve you for your birth and postpartum season in a language that speaks to your mama heart!
Hiring a doula is one of the greatest decisions I made in my birthing journey. My doula supported me on so many emotional, mental and physical levels that I barely knew I would need to tap into during our long hard birthing and postpartum experience. I am a huge advocate for hiring a doula and it’s #worlddoulaweek. So this week I sat down and tried to think of the best way I could share “WHY?” I believe every birthing person should hire a doula. My first thought was I could write a succinct and straightforward blog just throwing out all the scientific facts, like…
Doula supported births have,
31% decrease in the use of pitocin
39% fewer Cesarean births
34% higher rate of success for breastfeeding
34% decrease in negative birthing experience
more likely to achieve a spontaneous vaginal birth
more likely to have a shorter labor
I love these facts and I think they truly do speak for themselves, BUT you know what doesn’t hit me in the feels, and speak to my mama heart?… facts and numbers. So while I do find them convincing I think there has to be a lot more personhood involved when we talk about birth, support, and experience.
So my second thought was to write out a long list of the benefits of hiring a doula. Expanding on the emotional, physical and mental support for all the transformational seasons of pregnancy and birth. Things like…
Birth education and wisdom right at the moment you are making hard and new medical decisions about yourself and baby.
Support for your partner, as they navigate the many unknowns of parenthood and birth. Allowing them to fully be there for you with knowledge and confidence.
Someone to talk to about pregnancy anxiety, birthing fears and postpartum highs and lows.
But that list started to go somewhere into the 30s and I just didn’t think anyone would take the time to read it. So the question hit me, what’s something that I could use as a guide to share more about Doulas and the benefits they bring to the parenthood journey.
I landed on the,
Five Love Languages
This quiz which you can easily take online to learn a little more about yourself and your relationships HERE has been an incredible source of knowledge for me as I’ve navigated, friendships, marriage, and motherhood. And I thought, what better way to help someone navigate their “why” for hiring a doula and even the “who” to hire as their doula, than through a language of love and support that speaks to them personally!
Words of Affirmation
Words of Affirmation
If you are a “words of affirmation” person then you know how powerful encouragement, compliments, empowered speech, and sincere words of empathy matter! For you to experience your birth in a positive way you’ll want to surround yourself with the support that can speak out loud all the true things about you in the birthing experience.
“You are capable” “You are Powerful” “Your body was built to birth this baby” “You are doing so good” “You are SO strong”
Doulas are that support! They are trained and experienced in knowing what types of empowering words to say during birth that will help you feel strong during labor and also in making thoughtful decisions about your birthing experience. They are also gifted counselors for the incredibly raw postpartum season, whether it’s encouraging you through PPD or breastfeeding struggles, they have a gift for using their encouraging words and experience to help you feel loved and SEEn during a very hard and isolating time.
If your partner is a “words of affirmation” person then a doula can also be super helpful in giving them confidence-boosting encouragement throughout the birth and postpartum season. Doula’s take the time to not only empower the mother with their words but also supporting partners in a way that invites them into the moment and experience. A birth partner may not be feeling the labor, birth, and hormones physically but they can enter into their own roller coaster of emotions and depression, so having support who knows the empowering words and has knowledge on hard topics can be incredibly vital.
A few questions to ask/ discussions to have with potential Doulas concerning this love language…
Let them know how words and affirmations are a way you and/or your partner receive love and support.
Ask them to go over a list of empowering phrases and words for you so you can choose the ones that you think will resonate most for you and your birthing journey.
If your partner is a “words of affirmation” person, be sure to ask your potential doula, How they encourage partners to be involved during the process?
If you know how you respond during seasons of isolation, depression, or anxiety prior to birth and postpartum it might be helpful to have these conversations early with your doula about affirming words that could uplift you when and if the journey gets hard.
Physical Touch
Physical Touch
Massage, pressure points, positioning techniques, and just physical support are all apart of the benefits of hiring a doula. Their knowledge about the birthing body is far more extensive than most birth workers because they dive into the natural pain relief techniques and baby positioning techniques most people don’t learn about. If you are hoping to achieve a natural unmedicated birth then having a doula by your side with all of her physical touch gifts can be so vital.
If your partner uses “physical touch” as a way to love you during your regular life then having a doula there can also give them the tools to enter into the labor and birth physically. Some partners feel a little unsure of how they can actually help in the birthing room (especially first-time dads) but doulas can guide them in a way that gives them purpose and a role in the labor.
Oftentimes once the partner feels they are vital both emotionally and physically in the birthing journey they become far more invested in the process and leave so much more connected and joyful from the experience.
A few questions to ask/ discussions to have with potential Doulas concerning this love language…
Let them know how Physical Touch is a way you and/or your partner receive love and support.
Ask them about techniques they actively use in the birthing room to help with, pain relief, baby’s head position, long labors or even just to show support and connection to the birthing mother. Different doulas are trained in different techniques and solutions so it’s important to feel aligned with their methodology going into the birthing room together.
Acts of Service
Acts of Service
If you would consider yourself an “Acts of Service” person then a doula can be such a gift to you on your parenting journey. Especially in the realm of the postpartum season. Doula literally means “servant” and is usually termed “birth servant” so pretty much all the things they do in the birthing room could be considered acts of service. But many mothers leave their birth and go home to what feels like 3 months of being alone, tired and worked to the bone. They try to balance life before baby but with an incredibly needy newborn and rush of hormonal changes constantly interrupting that “normal” routine. So hiring a postpartum doula who comes and sits with you, processes with you, helps do some dishes, takes your toddler for a walk or even just holds your baby while you take a long shower to refresh can incredibly life-giving.
If your partner is an “Acts of Service” person then hiring a doula to do all the things above can be such a gift to them. You as the birthing mama will not be able to do everything like before and THAT IS OK! Take time to literally heal, rest and focus on this new relationship with baby. Let your doula come and carry a little bit of the load.
Also if you haven’t heard about an “overnight doula” then your life is about to change! Some postpartum doulas literally come to be with your baby through the night so you can sleep, what an act of sisterhood!
A few questions to ask/ discussions to have with potential Doulas concerning this love language…
Let them know how “Acts of Service” are a way you and/or your partner receive love and support.
Discuss the different options you have for postpartum care, overnight care, or even sibling doula care (if you have other little ones) Many doulas offer so much more than just birthing support and this can help you truly nail down the sort of support you will need on your parenting journey.
Receiving Gifts
Receiving Gifts
Doulas bring with them knowledge and support. They also know the different things you’ll want and need during birth and postpartum. When I hired my doula back in 2019 I had no idea how the knowledge, recommendations, and just small items she brought to our meetings would shape me as a mother and birth worker. The 2 books she recommended changed our whole journey as “soon to be” parents and helped so much in the emotional prep before baby. She brought teas, a rice sock, diapers, and so many sweet little things that just allowed me to realize how real it was that I was about to be a mom. So while hiring a doula doesn’t mean you are getting a bunch of gifts, it does mean that she brings with her gifts that honestly only a doula can provide. If your love language is “receiving gifts” I would encourage you to open your home and heart to a doula.
Maybe she can put together a meal train for you, help you meal plan during the last weeks of pregnancy or postpartum, maybe she can come up with ideas for your partner to give you gifts during the pregnancy and postpartum season so you feel cherished and seen.
Quality Time
Quality Time
Birth-work can be hours, days, and weeks of support. Postpartum doesn’t just always end at 3 months on the dot, having someone to be with you, hold space for you and walk alongside you in all the highs and lows of the journey is so essential. If your love language is “quality time” (like me) then that means you’ll want and need people pouring love into you all throughout the journey. I remember the day I was induced, it was a lot of tears, laughter at how crazy my life felt, and people surrounding me. My doula gave me more than 72 hours of her quality time during my long induction and birth and still found hours to come and sit with me in the days I got home so I could cry and she could help me breastfeed. The quality time love that a doula gives is almost unquantifiable because their investment in your empowerment and success is so authentic and beautiful.
If your partner’s love language is “quality time” then hiring a doula can also give you time to be together, doulas can hold space during the birth so you two can truly connect without Drs or nurses crowding the moment, they can also take the baby for a walk postpartum so you can your partner can reconnect in small ways. Or maybe they can spend time just supporting your partner through a long hard birth, unexpected emergency or grief. My partner is so grateful for our doula because she took the time to let him process too, she sat with us and she gave us her time and that was such a gift.
A few questions to ask/ discussions to have with potential Doulas concerning this love language…
Let them know how “Quality Time” is the way you and/or your partner receive love and support.
Ask them how long they stay with you during labor, birth and after the baby arrives.
How many visits or meetings are included with the packages? Prenatal and postpartum connections are super beneficial for people who feel loved through quality time, This will help you grow a deeper connection before the birth day.
