2017: Part 2 A Year in Review | The Year of Patience

Cheers to 2018! I know I'm almost a week behind but that's just how I roll. This series of review is so therapeutic for me and a little tradition I love to do for my business. So even when I'm a little behind (or more like a lot behind) I still want to get these posts up and out into the world for myself and those who follow along. This coming year will be called the year of Patience. I've realized over the last couple months my strong desire for goals to just happen now. I never honestly saw myself as an impatient person until I realized how often I was searching for quick fixes and short cuts to my hopes and goals. So this year I've really set my heart on being patient and steady. I've struggled often with the anxiety and doubt that my goals will never be met and that's why I find the word patience to be so healing. I keep telling Chris that I just need to be happy with each victory rather than counting them up and not finding enough. 

All of that said I have a lot of hope and resolve for this coming year in both my business life and personal life. And I always find writing out my hopes as a way to make them real, they are no longer passing thoughts but goals that I really do aim to achieve. So here it goes, a few goals I'm hoping for but staying patient about for 2018 they are for both my personal life and business. 

First would definitely be my health. I've been struggling with that for quite some time and I'm ready this year to truly be authentic and transparent about this huge part of my life that I struggle with. Gone are the days when I can really forget about whats going into my body, I'm hoping to get focused and be patient with myself as I change the way I see food and wine. With that being said, my second goal would be to see myself with ALOT more grace. So often in the photography world I hear women crying out for self acceptance. Taking self portraits of their flaws and calling it beautiful. I honestly tried this past year to put myself in front of the camera once a week thinking it would be this path to healing. But it was mostly painful and scary and vulnerable. Being in the worst shape of my life and trying to capture the way I saw myself always felt like a disaster. But for 2018 I want to truly love more of my flaws in a way that gives me power rather than weakness and insecurity. Still working on the practicality of this hope but a huge drive for me is to one day have a daughter and to be a reflection of body loving confidence to her. I want her to see herself with love and grace so I know my heart has got to be soften toward myself to be a better example one day. (no I am not presently pregnant, this is more for down the line) 

Thirdly I want to photograph what I'm passionate about. I want to capture people who truly get the work I'm trying to do. I also want to meet more people in general. Moving to Durham has been more of a surprising joy than I could have imagined. And my business has in no way felt like it was stalling even though I moved it during the biggest photography season of the year. But their are parts that I'm still trying to grow; Parts that took time in Kansas City and will take time in Durham. These goals are where I need to find patience. I want to shoot double the births in 2018 and half the Weddings. I want to shoot more sessions in people's homes, capturing the true love and joy found when people feel comfortable to be themselves. I want to document more intimate stories of motherhood, not just birth, but the emotional ups and downs of growing a child inside of you and then outside of you. 

So there you go three big goals for my 2018 I'm even terrified to write them down. What if they don't come true, now everyone will laugh at me... and thats when I have to say to myself "patience"